“Fram” review: or, Much Ado About a Sleeping Bag – The National Theatre

by

Once upon a spring night dreary, after work, my friends so weary,
All of us in line awaiting the grand opening of Fram
In the theater, softly sitting, programs clutching, ushers flitting
With the house lights now unlitting, fitting one more in a cram –
To watch a play in verse, I muttered, will need no departure plan –
Fear not Fram

Then the silliness fast started, couplets rudely from stage darted,
Brave explorers bitched and farted killing huskies with a blam –
Some sad ghost on stage expounding piles of twaddle, vowels a’rounding –
And my head has started pounding like a door shut with a slam –
Caught in a seat Olivier at the opening of Fram
Self loving Fram.

Freakish ballet – why now dancing? Oh, the misery of chancing
Upon tickets, which now glancing, seemed too much at ten a man!
My friends twitched and muttered while a Todd-like tale was uttered –
Human pies all freshly buttered, shouts the actress, “Eating man!”
Samoyed round her neck, frail white on white, and never tan –
Utter glam.

And the sad ironic poet with his words that couldn’t show it
Forced the audience to blow it, pulling out of this black jam.
It weren’t funny nor amusing! It was my poor ears abusing!
All those bad rhymes he was using! T’weren’t a play, it was a sham!
Such self indulgent wankery, I cannot help but damn! Run from Fram!
Damned Fram! Poorly Fram!

(Better options for your evening: The Lover and The Collection, which has some £10 seats available, or The Importance of Being Earnest, which you can likely find at the TKTS booth for £25.)

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5 Responses to ““Fram” review: or, Much Ado About a Sleeping Bag – The National Theatre”

  1. Arkady Rose » Why Wayne Macgregor is an asshole Says:

    […] This is a very amusing write-up of Fram (currently showing at the National Theatre) by webcowgirl. She’s far too kind about it. […]

  2. “Fram” review preview - and notes on Wayne Macgregor « Webcowgirl’s Weblog Says:

    […] Weblog London Theater reviews by an American expat « Pre-battle jitters (FRAM) “Fram” review: or, Much Ado About a Sleeping Bag – The National Theatre […]

  3. Webcowgirl’s review of London theater 2008 « Life in the Cheap Seats - Webcowgirl’s London theatre reviews Says:

    […] a point of reference for badness (the “baddicle”), and the inspiration for my only rhymed review of a show. Does a play have sleeping bags, or dogs, or perhaps a reference to Westminster Abbey, or even a […]

  4. Review – Paradise Found – Menier Chocolate Factory « Life in the Cheap Seats – Webcowgirl’s London theatre reviews Says:

    […] and not an accidental turkey you blundered into while slumming in some pub theater (or at the National), but some well-financed, “we’re taking it on a trial run before it goes to […]

  5. Review – Las Maravillas: the Lost Souls of Mictlan – The Dreamery at Rosemary Branch Theater | Life in the Cheap Seats - Webcowgirl's London theatre reviews Says:

    […] that is still Stewart Pringle’s “As Ye Sow”, but horrifying as in horrible, a la Fram or the monstrous 4:48 Psychosis Fourth Monkey put on some years […]

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