Posts Tagged ‘no this is not a very elaborate joke’

“Fram” review: or, Much Ado About a Sleeping Bag – The National Theatre

April 18, 2008

Once upon a spring night dreary, after work, my friends so weary,
All of us in line awaiting the grand opening of Fram
In the theater, softly sitting, programs clutching, ushers flitting
With the house lights now unlitting, fitting one more in a cram –
To watch a play in verse, I muttered, will need no departure plan –
Fear not Fram

Then the silliness fast started, couplets rudely from stage darted,
Brave explorers bitched and farted killing huskies with a blam –
Some sad ghost on stage expounding piles of twaddle, vowels a’rounding –
And my head has started pounding like a door shut with a slam –
Caught in a seat Olivier at the opening of Fram
Self loving Fram.

Freakish ballet – why now dancing? Oh, the misery of chancing
Upon tickets, which now glancing, seemed too much at ten a man!
My friends twitched and muttered while a Todd-like tale was uttered –
Human pies all freshly buttered, shouts the actress, “Eating man!”
Samoyed round her neck, frail white on white, and never tan –
Utter glam.

And the sad ironic poet with his words that couldn’t show it
Forced the audience to blow it, pulling out of this black jam.
It weren’t funny nor amusing! It was my poor ears abusing!
All those bad rhymes he was using! T’weren’t a play, it was a sham!
Such self indulgent wankery, I cannot help but damn! Run from Fram!
Damned Fram! Poorly Fram!

(Better options for your evening: The Lover and The Collection, which has some £10 seats available, or The Importance of Being Earnest, which you can likely find at the TKTS booth for £25.)

“Fram” review preview – and notes on Wayne Macgregor

April 18, 2008

Fram: in short, no. I can see why they were offering free beer on top of 10 pound tickets to get people in the door. (If you’re interested: £10 tickets plus a free beer for performances from 10 – 29 April. Call 020 7452 3000 and quote ‘Free drink offer’. Be warned that the free beer is a small bottle of Carlsberg and not worth the price.) Inspired by the play itself and the writeup the WestEnd Whingers did, I’m going to work on my own rhymed review for later (I’m leaning toward a villanelle, couplets are inherently too comic) but I had to warn people about this show in case they were trying to figure out what to see tonight. It’s sad to think this play is by “Britain’s Foremost Theatre Poet” – I can only think the list of contenders for this crown is very short. I also have a theory that Fram is the Norweigan word for “Bollocks!” but have not yet checked this on Babelfish. (LATER: rhymed review here, using “The Raven” as inspiration – much more difficult than rhyming couplets!)

I also want to mention that there is a very misplaced ballet section in the first act which is choreographed by Wayne Macgregor, who was there last night. I let myself fangirl to him while he was buying ice cream at intermission and he was SO rude to me! I was going on about how great he was and how I saw his show last weekend and how I’d love to see his work at Pacific Northwest Ballet – and he looked me in the eye and said, “I’m really just not interested.” I stopped dead in my tracks and said (after a pause), “Well, I guess I’ll let you get back to your friends.” What a cock! I’m going to go back and delete my “Wayne Macgregor is God” and replace them with something like “Wayne Macgregor is an ungracious asshole who should spend the rest of his life laboring in obscurity,” even though I’ve already bought tickets to see his next little ballet at the Royal Ballet in May.

Anyway, poem to follow, but I need some time to let it cook in order to fully convey the horror.