“Fram” review: or, Much Ado About a Sleeping Bag – The National Theatre

Once upon a spring night dreary, after work, my friends so weary,
All of us in line awaiting the grand opening of Fram –
In the theater, softly sitting, programs clutching, ushers flitting
With the house lights now unlitting, fitting one more in a cram –
To watch a play in verse, I muttered, will need no departure plan –
Fear not Fram

Then the silliness fast started, couplets rudely from stage darted,
Brave explorers bitched and farted killing huskies with a blam –
Some sad ghost on stage expounding piles of twaddle, vowels a’rounding –
And my head has started pounding like a door shut with a slam –
Caught in a seat Olivier at the opening of Fram –
Self loving Fram.

Freakish ballet – why now dancing? Oh, the misery of chancing
Upon tickets, which now glancing, seemed too much at ten a man!
My friends twitched and muttered while a Todd-like tale was uttered –
Human pies all freshly buttered, shouts the actress, “Eating man!”
Samoyed round her neck, frail white on white, and never tan –
Utter glam.

And the sad ironic poet with his words that couldn’t show it
Forced the audience to blow it, pulling out of this black jam.
It weren’t funny nor amusing! It was my poor ears abusing!
All those bad rhymes he was using! T’weren’t a play, it was a sham!
Such self indulgent wankery, I cannot help but damn! Run from Fram!
Damned Fram! Poorly Fram!

(Better options for your evening: The Lover and The Collection, which has some £10 seats available, or The Importance of Being Earnest, which you can likely find at the TKTS booth for £25.)

Tags: at least it was better than Gone with the Wind the Musi, Fram, Fram review, if Tony Harrison can get away with doggerel so can I, Is that Poe spinning in his grave, National Theater, National Theatre, no this is not a very elaborate joke, please don't ever do this again, shows to avoid like the plague, Sweeney Todd did it better, this was not my Carrie, Tony Harrison, two men and one sleeping bag, yum huskies, yum manpies